Forgiven

Aidiladha had come and passed. I tried to eat within the allowed calories per day but festivities are when I almost always fail to refrain. But I've forgiven myself for failing to do so. This time around, I promise not to sabotage myself anymore. You fall off, you try to get back on it as quickly as you can. Since Monday, I've limited my caloric intake to 1700 a day, down from 1870 before. I've designed my own exercise, cardio + some toning exercises. It's not really original because most of the movements I learnt from online exercise videos but I'm happy to call it my own. I have problems with my knees so most of the exercises (even the low impact ones) are not really good for me, so I do what I can. I sweat the same. Now, I make it a point to use the stairs instead of the lift and when I feel my buttocks are hurting from too much sitting, I will head for the stairs to get a good few rounds. I still hate going up and down the stairs but I know it's good for me. May Allah give me the strength and determination to lose this weight. Amin.

Hurting

My boy fell while waiting for me to finish a meeting. We had to rush him to the clinic as he was bleeding. The gash was quite deep that required two stitches. But he was a trooper. He was quiet during the stitching although he winced once or twice. I saw tears dropping on the side of his face. He was trying to be strong. That got to me. My little boy, the love of my life was trying to be brave for his Mama because if he cried I would have cried louder. He was his usual, chirpy self after the treatment. But every time I look at that healing wound, my heart aches. Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, Please protect my son from any harm. Please grant him health and happiness. Amin.

Weekend is Over...

We traveled back to Alam Suria (where my brother's family is) on the weekend. I was mentally prepared and had resigned to the fact that my diet would go crazy. It's so much easier to handle when you expected the worst. I did go off course but I got on course pretty fast too. We managed to visit my parents and stayed for a few hours there (that's all we could afford to spend since my other half had meetings scheduled), it was not enough but it was well-spent. My SIL recommended natural collagen based on her friend's experience. I've heard of it before and I was very curious. It is purported to make us look young and those who have joint problems are highly recommended to take it. I might try it. I didn't get to do the scheduled exercises over the weekend but we did a fair amount of walking, so I guess that should suffice. I'm taking the easy approach on the exercise this time around because I don't want to put too much pressure on my body. I will start some light cardio plus toning exercise tomorrow night. Insya Allah. May Allah give me the strength and determination to win this battle. Amin.

Wise Words...

Roni http://ronisweigh.com from Baltimore top tip is to set non-weight related goals to build confidence. After reading that, I went down to the cafe to refill my water tumbler and decided to take the stairs instead of the lift. I realised how much I hate to climb stairs. I hate it so much I feel like crying but I know it's good for me. I hate it because it hurts my knees and I pant like crazy. It's so torturing. I want to be able to climb stairs without having to curse the steps. I want to enjoy it. I want to be able to run up and down any stairs. On the other hand, Theodora from New York City http://losingweightinthecity.com shares that we don't have to be perfect to lose weight. On days that we go off course, just get back right on. We have to stop ourselves from sabotaging the rest of the day or the whole week and she compares this with having a flat tyre, fix it and move on, don't poke holes in it. Wise woman! I hope I can be one of those losers who can inspire others to lose and of course you know what I'm talking about. May Allah give the strength and determination to keep fighting to lose weight. Amin

Sneak Peek

I have made a promise (to myself) to get on the scale on Nov 9 a month after I resume the journey. But being human, I took a peek yesterday morning and was quite happy with the result. I hope there will be more or if it stays, I will still be happy. Three more weeks before the revelation. May Allah give me strength and determination to lose weight. Amin.

Positive Vibes

I have been following Kevin Zahri's page on weight loss and I find it very informative and convenient for someone who is all alone in trying to lose her weight. I find comfort in his status posts and motivation in the success stories of how real people lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle. Below is one of the people who have succeeded in losing the kgs. I am highly inspired. I realise that I am not alone. May Allah grants me the will power and strength to lose a lot of weight. Amin. Ms Rosniza Abdul Samat lost 13kg in just two months. How did she do it? By controlling her food intake AND exercising plus some "fire power". Simple as that.

Feeling Nostalgic and Inspired

I don't like to take photos of myself, because of this paralysing low self-esteem. I've had this dislike of taking photos since I was small. I was a big girl when everyone else was either petite or normal size. The teasing I had to endure by family members (yeah, I love my family) exacerbate the feeling. So, I hate taking pictures. Even years after that, when I slimmed down, that feeling didn't go away. I ballooned up after I got married and the kg kept on creeping on me after I gave birth. Here I'm sharing one picture of me when I was a gym junkie. This was back in 2005-2006, I think or maybe earlier. I was with a senior journalist Kak Yani. I hope I can get this figure back. May Allah give me the strength and determination to lose weight. Amin.

A Bad Start...

It's the fourth day of my self-planned journey to save my soul from being eaten by depression (drama queen cap on). Yesterday wasn't a good day as far as this live healthy programme is concerned. I had promised my Restaurant Management students (some of them anyway) that I would be their customer for their Advanced Cooking class. FYI in this class the students will cook and serve a three course meal to anyone who has agreed to be their customers. You get to pay RM20 for this meal. I thought I had the perfect solution for that. By giving my spot to my husband who promised to come during lunch hour. On his way to the college, something happened and I didn't have the heart to let him eat alone there at the coffee house. Plus, my serving students had pulled out the chair for me motioning me to sit down, under the watchful eyes of their chefs. To avoid unwanted incidents, I sat and there went my meal plan. But we had a wonderful lunch of chicken wings with blue cheese (appetiser, I wasn't wild on the cheese though), seafood chowder (which was EXCELLENT), the main course - lamb loins eaten with potato salad and salsa verde and ended with a sweet finish of blueberry crumble topped with rosemary ice-cream (which I thought was very interesting). The meal, it turned out, was complimentary, thanks to one of the chefs. I was full the whole day, well not the whole day, but yes until evening came. I hope today will be one of those good days, despite the bad start this morning, all due to my frustrations over the situation we are in now. It got me thinking of happiness again. But that is a different story altogether, one I doubt will be shared here. May Allah gives me strength and determination to fight this battle and win it forever. Amin.

Day One of Another Round

Your body knows when it needs help. Mine has been telling me to treat it right for a few months now. My son is already four years old and I have failed to achieve my target weight. As usual I blame it on my lack of will power. To say I hate myself for that is really an understatement. One thing for sure, all those years of drowning myself in sorrows, have taught me to stop feeling sorry and start taking actions. I am cracking my head now on how to incorporate exercise in my day-to-day boring routine. I really need my husband's support on this. Last week I got a scare when on the way to work I suddenly felt the world is spinning around me. So that is another tell-tale sign. Here I have made a decision to take it slow and steady. Istiqamah is the word I believe. Semoga Allah memberkati usahaku ini. Amin.