I have a feeling that this is going to be an emotional journey because I'm doing this not just for me but for a certain three your old boy whom I love with my life. Baby, you are my inspiration.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
I had decided to bring potato salad to the office today for a makan-makan. I was all ready with my potato salad prepared the night before. Morning came and after the normal morning fuss, we (Rockstar and I) went to the car first. I started the engine while waiting, and put him in the back, but the passenger's door could not be closed. Already late, I tried my best to mend it, but I'm no mechanic and the door still would not close.
I'm not going to share what happened after that. But I had to take an emergency leave because of it. So, I missed the makan-makan potluck at the office, the one that I initiated. I felt really guilty, but if I were to come, I would not be in my right mind. But in retrospect, I should have just gone to the office. It was not a big deal, but I made it one because I failed to control my anger.
My temperament should have been better as the day progressed, but it did not. The student who called me 23 times just to ask if the replacement class was still on tomorrow added more fuel to the fire. But then Rockstar became the victim. I've been complaining that I didn't get to spend much time with him, but when the time came (although only after I decided to take EL), I blew it big time. Regret. Regret. Regret is a cruel thing.
As the result, I ate more than yesterday and the meal time was scattered here and there, not what I had already planned the night before. And I didn't get to use the mini gym. That added more guilty feeling, more anger and frustrations. Although I ate less than the daily calories permitted, the feeling is still not good. I need to learn to control my emotions better and recite dzikir more I guess.
I pray that tomorrow will be better. Less food and more exercise. But I can't promise if I can control my wrath (on that particular student).
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
I am fat. As much as I hate to admit that fact, I AM FAT. Tonight I have decided to share my journey to be a much healthier and more active mother, not to mention slimmer and hotter in this blog (though I know not many people are aware of). I am very much inspired by a good friend of mine who has lost almost 15kg so far. Thanks MG. I love you. You are my idol. Always has been.
My weight has ballooned to 105kg from last year's weight of 100kg. Yup, I was fat then, and fatter now. As soon as the scale hit 105kg, I decided to re-visit the college mini gym. But the weight is yo-yoing in that region because I treat meal time as I treat the physical exercise, the more the better.
Then I started to take things seriously, only after I suffered an excruciatingly painful knee injury after a netball game with the students. I could not wear heels, had to take the elevator even when going down the building, had to pray sitting down and had so much trouble getting up from sitting on the floor. These are not the things that a 36 year old person should experience man!
I cut down on my rice intake, also a few other foods. I have stopped my nescafe routine since Ramadan and learnt to drink black coffee instead. But now I have totally stop taking coffee altogether. It's water all the way. I'm drinking up to 4 litre of water, sometimes 5, every day. So what if I frequently visit the restroom. That's a small price to pay.
Since the beginning of this week, I have started to count my calories intake, thanks again to my now lovelier friend MG. Calculating my age, my weight, height and the kind of lifestyle I lead (sedentary or otherwise), the counter says I need approximately 1850 calories a day. So far I have used less than the goal, which means a good thing.
According to the calculation, if I keep up with this pace, I will be 5kg lighter in 5 weeks time. I don't know if its reliable, but I can always try, can't I?
Please Allah, give me strength and the will power to do this.
Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods
Sunday, September 25, 2011
I spent 11 formative years in Kampung Selamat, Pantai Dalam, which today stands a high-rise low-cost apartment, with my family. When I moved out of Pantai Dalam to Pantai Baharu, a mere 15 minutes away, I was still connected to that place because many of my school friends lived there. I am still very much connected to it since some of my extended family members have made it their homes.
Along the years I have witnessed many physical changes in and around the area where the ruling government had made much effort to develop this squatters zone. All these developments gladden my heart because at last people who are from Pantai Dalam or its neighbouring areas can have some pride in where they are coming from. And I really really hope that these changes run parallel with mindset and paradigm shifts of the dwellers.
Was I ashamed to be associated with this place? Yes I was, but I have seen a lot and experience many things since then and now I am glad to say that I'm not ashamed anymore. Although visits to my grandmother's flat sadden me for the lack of awareness on basic things like cleanliness and courtesy, I still have faith that eventually the people will realise that in order to genuinely develop the area previously well-known for its many squatter homes, they have to take part as well by changing their mindset and attitude and adopt new paradigms.
Changes can be much easier when one accepts the fact that excellence is not an option, it is the only option and that being content is seen as a grave offence. Having said that, humility plays a vital role in making sure that the transition to a better self is smooth without major glitches. I hope with this shift all of Pantai Dalam (not only certain areas like Bangsar South) will be associated with excellent living.
My name is Murni and I come from Pantai Dalam.