I don't make friends easily because I am an introvert in a seemingly extroverted body. I rather be alone, spending some meaningful moments with my thoughts. That's why when I make friends, I want that friendship to last, so I have people I can count on (and I don't have to make new ones).
So when a friend betrays me, I will always feel lost. I will wonder why it has to happen. Why this person does this to me? It is easy to blame it to the other party, unfortunately, life is never that simple. When friends keep turning their backs on you, you start to wonder, maybe it's me, maybe I did something that warrants this to keep repeating.
Because of this, over the years, I learnt to look inside of me even more. I became more reflective. I became more reclusive, as far as making friends is concerned.
I don't mind not having many friends. I focus on making friends who will not turn their backs on me by spinning stories of my life and gladly share them with others.
I am still nice. I will still be generous with my smiles. But that is all one can ever get from me in the first few hundreds meetings.
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Yes. But I still have to protect my heart.