Back on it again

I went astray yesterday. Dinner was at McDonalds since my better half wanted to spend a little time with Rockstar and made him happy. I don't think I'll share what I have eaten, because whatever they were, I had busted my calorie intake for that day. But Rockstar was happy and his father was happy, I was happy.

I ate everything on the table but stopped at the drinks. Yeah, OK I took a sip or two and that was it. We came home and drank lots of water and ate one pear, hoping that by morning it would help me go. And before calling it a day, I downed a sachet of Total Cleanse.

This morning, I spent quite some time in the loo and the weight after is surprisingly OK. Alhamdulillah. Is it cheating? So be it. As long as I'm, not depressed, my conscience is clear. Heh.

And I'm back on track.

Plateaus - Why do they even exist?

It's Thursday now and I haven't lose any kg. This is very frustrating. After googling, I think my problem is my calorie intake per day is too low, less than the 1200 recommended. That's what happen when you are too eager to lose weight, thinking you can bypass all those professionals.

So, today I'm going to eat a full 1200 calorie meal, high on protein and low on carbs. Insya Allah. I had a hard boiled egg for breakfast and water and for lunch boiled broccoli, chicken balls and chicken kurma (drained of the kuah). I'm going to snack on cream crackers dip into a mug of Milo Fuze. For dinner I'm thinking plain tosai plus red apples. I hope this is healthy.

I've been jogging for 40 minutes on the treadmill with the speed of 6 to 7 and cycling on the stationary for 20 minutes, not to mention weight training since Monday. I really really hope this will work.

Pray for me.

I lose and I gain...

I blame the gains on the weekend. I really let myself go at the high-tea on Saturday. It started out good, I had plenty of water and when it was time to hit the buffet line, I felt full but the problem was I left my will power to resist at home.

Feeling guilty just by looking at the endless spread of glorious food, I took three pieces of tauhu sumbat and a wee bit of sauce. But on the way back to our table I saw yummy slices of strawberry cheesecake and brownies and all the wonderful pastries. What did I do? Went straight to our table and ate the tauhus.

At the table, my better half was eating a delicious looking dish which was breaded fish fillet with cream sauce, and the Little Rockstar seemed to love it so much. It looked delicious and must have tasted even more delicious! Did I mentioned I left my will power somewhere? Yes. So what happened next? Yup you've guessed it.

I went back to get the fish fillet about three pieces of them, complete with the sauce and a healthy serving of sauteed cauliflower (due to the guilt, but it didn't help much later I realised). I alternated the food with several glasses of water thinking it would help in taming my mad appetite. Did it? Of course not!

I went back to the food for the third time, to the pastries section and took a medium sized chocolate doughnut (for Rockstar), two brownies and a slice of strawberry cheese cake. Rockstar wanted the brownies and that made me feel a bit relieved but not for long because he handed me the brownies when he saw my better half with a bowl of tomato cream soup. So, not wanting to let good food to waste, I ate the brownies (one and a half) and attacked the cheesecake.

On normal days, I'm not really into cheese but this particular cheesecake was extremely delicious. I didn't want to finish the slice on my own and wanted my better half to finish it but he was busy entertaining friends at that moment. So, too bad, I had to finish it all. I managed to stop myself from eating the doughnut though.

As soon as we arrived home, I weighed myself and what's the damage? 2kg of extra fat and guilt. And as punishment, it was only water and guava for snacks and dinner.

Sunday was a total mess. I didn't go jogging (it was drizzling), lunch was rice with dhalca, ayam masak merah and kerutup daging and dinner was ok I guess with guava, wholemeal bread and crabsticks. The only consolation was I stuck to water all the way.

So there. My "sinful'' weekend. Haih.

Oh Oh It's here again

Yeah. The weekend. I'm not normal, I know. When the average people love the weekend, I am otherwise. I think many dieters dread weekends. I don't know, maybe. When at work, I can avoid eating more than the allotted calories because of the many classes I have, but at home at weekends, I'm not sure if that avoiding tactic works.

Furthermore today we are going to attend a high tea function at Cyberjaya. This is a must go, not to mention tomorrow is the wedding of one of our nephews. A must go too. What's more worrying is, today is my rest day from exercising.

I guess I will have to exercise more tomorrow, early in the morning, when most people are still asleep. What did I tell you? I'm not normal.

Wish me luck!

Jogging is the way

I have decided to limit my daily calories intake to only 1000 starting on Monday. It's Wednesday today and I have lost another 1.7kg. Alhamdulillah. So far I still can bear the food limit.

A friend had advised that I have to start jogging to lose the weight more quickly and to avoid me from giving up when I see the scale is not moving to the desired loss. I was reluctant at first because of my knees but still gave it a try on Monday. And so far today, Alhamdulillah.

I really love the feeling it gives after a 40 minute slow jog with a speed of only 5-6.5. I will definitely stick to this routine for a week or two before increasing the speed. Insya Allah.

What horrible experience weekend was...

It's horrible I tell you. Everything was except for the two weddings, one on Saturday and the other one on Sunday, that we were invited to and the short get together with a friend from Indonesia. Well, ok, not everything, but most things.

The effects of the malfunctioned car (ohoo not just the door baby but the battery and the alternator too) made me very moody and hateful. Why hateful? That's another story which I don't want to share. So this was my overall temperament through out the weekend and it was so easy to fall into that emotional eating trap again. But one thing that I was happy about that weekend was I didn't give in to temptations.

I stayed on course most times although barely and even at the wedding of our beloved Ms Julia Shapiee, which we arrived exactly at 4pm when the caterers were cleaning up, I only had a small helping of rice. It could be because my appetite was spoilt by the Saturday traffic jam or the small chunk of chocolate I had in the car.

Having said that, I am still not happy with my overall diet plus I didn't get to exercise much. A 30 minutes freestyle dancing which I did on Saturday was not enough for someone who needs that post exercise rush to feel happy and good about herself. Sounds pathethic eh? Well pathetic I am.

On Sunday, my mood got worse by noon. One advice, if you are toilet training your three year old son, don't try dieting at all, vice versa. These emotional laden activities are meant to be done one at a time.

I had resigned to the fact that the day would not get better. But of course, I was wrong. There was the meeting with our family friend from Indonesia with her lively 5 year old daughter. Watching Rockstar and 'Kakak' played together made me felt warm all over. Despite the initial awkward first meeting between the two in the car, they hit it off as soon as we arrived at AU3.

Then there was the wedding of a rockstar guitarist of MUH at Damansara. Before that night I had always thought that PRs are lively, friendly bunch of people. But this one particular 'anggek' person proved that fact wrong. So I came to the conclusion that not all PRs are friendly, or maybe because I am not famous that I was shunned at the table, if that's the case then not all PRs are bright, intelligent beings.

My nefarious appetite wanted me to commit unthinkable sins, and after much struggle, I managed to stop myself from going crazy. It was a lovely wedding by the way, and very 'rockstar'. The handsome groom and the blushing bride entered the hall with the voice of Billy Corgan singing "Tonight, Tonight".

Before we left, I went to that PR side of the table and shook her hands and said "Till we meet again". Yes makcik, I am a bigger person than you and I'm not talking about my size at all.

Ciao!

Yours Emotionally

I have a feeling that this is going to be an emotional journey because I'm doing this not just for me but for a certain three your old boy whom I love with my life. Baby, you are my inspiration.

Makan-makan Potluck@Office..NOT!

I had decided to bring potato salad to the office today for a makan-makan. I was all ready with my potato salad prepared the night before. Morning came and after the normal morning fuss, we (Rockstar and I) went to the car first. I started the engine while waiting, and put him in the back, but the passenger's door could not be closed. Already late, I tried my best to mend it, but I'm no mechanic and the door still would not close.

I'm not going to share what happened after that. But I had to take an emergency leave because of it. So, I missed the makan-makan potluck at the office, the one that I initiated. I felt really guilty, but if I were to come, I would not be in my right mind. But in retrospect, I should have just gone to the office. It was not a big deal, but I made it one because I failed to control my anger.

My temperament should have been better as the day progressed, but it did not. The student who called me 23 times just to ask if the replacement class was still on tomorrow added more fuel to the fire. But then Rockstar became the victim. I've been complaining that I didn't get to spend much time with him, but when the time came (although only after I decided to take EL), I blew it big time. Regret. Regret. Regret is a cruel thing.

As the result, I ate more than yesterday and the meal time was scattered here and there, not what I had already planned the night before. And I didn't get to use the mini gym. That added more guilty feeling, more anger and frustrations. Although I ate less than the daily calories permitted, the feeling is still not good. I need to learn to control my emotions better and recite dzikir more I guess.

I pray that tomorrow will be better. Less food and more exercise. But I can't promise if I can control my wrath (on that particular student).

A Fat Mom on A Mission

I am fat. As much as I hate to admit that fact, I AM FAT. Tonight I have decided to share my journey to be a much healthier and more active mother, not to mention slimmer and hotter in this blog (though I know not many people are aware of). I am very much inspired by a good friend of mine who has lost almost 15kg so far. Thanks MG. I love you. You are my idol. Always has been.

My weight has ballooned to 105kg from last year's weight of 100kg. Yup, I was fat then, and fatter now. As soon as the scale hit 105kg, I decided to re-visit the college mini gym. But the weight is yo-yoing in that region because I treat meal time as I treat the physical exercise, the more the better.

Then I started to take things seriously, only after I suffered an excruciatingly painful knee injury after a netball game with the students. I could not wear heels, had to take the elevator even when going down the building, had to pray sitting down and had so much trouble getting up from sitting on the floor. These are not the things that a 36 year old person should experience man!

I cut down on my rice intake, also a few other foods. I have stopped my nescafe routine since Ramadan and learnt to drink black coffee instead. But now I have totally stop taking coffee altogether. It's water all the way. I'm drinking up to 4 litre of water, sometimes 5, every day. So what if I frequently visit the restroom. That's a small price to pay.

Since the beginning of this week, I have started to count my calories intake, thanks again to my now lovelier friend MG. Calculating my age, my weight, height and the kind of lifestyle I lead (sedentary or otherwise), the counter says I need approximately 1850 calories a day. So far I have used less than the goal, which means a good thing.

According to the calculation, if I keep up with this pace, I will be 5kg lighter in 5 weeks time. I don't know if its reliable, but I can always try, can't I?

Please Allah, give me strength and the will power to do this.

Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

A Place To Remember

I spent 11 formative years in Kampung Selamat, Pantai Dalam, which today stands a high-rise low-cost apartment, with my family. When I moved out of Pantai Dalam to Pantai Baharu, a mere 15 minutes away, I was still connected to that place because many of my school friends lived there. I am still very much connected to it since some of my extended family members have made it their homes.

Along the years I have witnessed many physical changes in and around the area where the ruling government had made much effort to develop this squatters zone. All these developments gladden my heart because at last people who are from Pantai Dalam or its neighbouring areas can have some pride in where they are coming from. And I really really hope that these changes run parallel with mindset and paradigm shifts of the dwellers.

Was I ashamed to be associated with this place? Yes I was, but I have seen a lot and experience many things since then and now I am glad to say that I'm not ashamed anymore. Although visits to my grandmother's flat sadden me for the lack of awareness on basic things like cleanliness and courtesy, I still have faith that eventually the people will realise that in order to genuinely develop the area previously well-known for its many squatter homes, they have to take part as well by changing their mindset and attitude and adopt new paradigms.

Changes can be much easier when one accepts the fact that excellence is not an option, it is the only option and that being content is seen as a grave offence. Having said that, humility plays a vital role in making sure that the transition to a better self is smooth without major glitches. I hope with this shift all of Pantai Dalam (not only certain areas like Bangsar South) will be associated with excellent living.

My name is Murni and I come from Pantai Dalam.