Jogging is the way

I have decided to limit my daily calories intake to only 1000 starting on Monday. It's Wednesday today and I have lost another 1.7kg. Alhamdulillah. So far I still can bear the food limit.

A friend had advised that I have to start jogging to lose the weight more quickly and to avoid me from giving up when I see the scale is not moving to the desired loss. I was reluctant at first because of my knees but still gave it a try on Monday. And so far today, Alhamdulillah.

I really love the feeling it gives after a 40 minute slow jog with a speed of only 5-6.5. I will definitely stick to this routine for a week or two before increasing the speed. Insya Allah.

What horrible experience weekend was...

It's horrible I tell you. Everything was except for the two weddings, one on Saturday and the other one on Sunday, that we were invited to and the short get together with a friend from Indonesia. Well, ok, not everything, but most things.

The effects of the malfunctioned car (ohoo not just the door baby but the battery and the alternator too) made me very moody and hateful. Why hateful? That's another story which I don't want to share. So this was my overall temperament through out the weekend and it was so easy to fall into that emotional eating trap again. But one thing that I was happy about that weekend was I didn't give in to temptations.

I stayed on course most times although barely and even at the wedding of our beloved Ms Julia Shapiee, which we arrived exactly at 4pm when the caterers were cleaning up, I only had a small helping of rice. It could be because my appetite was spoilt by the Saturday traffic jam or the small chunk of chocolate I had in the car.

Having said that, I am still not happy with my overall diet plus I didn't get to exercise much. A 30 minutes freestyle dancing which I did on Saturday was not enough for someone who needs that post exercise rush to feel happy and good about herself. Sounds pathethic eh? Well pathetic I am.

On Sunday, my mood got worse by noon. One advice, if you are toilet training your three year old son, don't try dieting at all, vice versa. These emotional laden activities are meant to be done one at a time.

I had resigned to the fact that the day would not get better. But of course, I was wrong. There was the meeting with our family friend from Indonesia with her lively 5 year old daughter. Watching Rockstar and 'Kakak' played together made me felt warm all over. Despite the initial awkward first meeting between the two in the car, they hit it off as soon as we arrived at AU3.

Then there was the wedding of a rockstar guitarist of MUH at Damansara. Before that night I had always thought that PRs are lively, friendly bunch of people. But this one particular 'anggek' person proved that fact wrong. So I came to the conclusion that not all PRs are friendly, or maybe because I am not famous that I was shunned at the table, if that's the case then not all PRs are bright, intelligent beings.

My nefarious appetite wanted me to commit unthinkable sins, and after much struggle, I managed to stop myself from going crazy. It was a lovely wedding by the way, and very 'rockstar'. The handsome groom and the blushing bride entered the hall with the voice of Billy Corgan singing "Tonight, Tonight".

Before we left, I went to that PR side of the table and shook her hands and said "Till we meet again". Yes makcik, I am a bigger person than you and I'm not talking about my size at all.

Ciao!

Yours Emotionally

I have a feeling that this is going to be an emotional journey because I'm doing this not just for me but for a certain three your old boy whom I love with my life. Baby, you are my inspiration.

Makan-makan Potluck@Office..NOT!

I had decided to bring potato salad to the office today for a makan-makan. I was all ready with my potato salad prepared the night before. Morning came and after the normal morning fuss, we (Rockstar and I) went to the car first. I started the engine while waiting, and put him in the back, but the passenger's door could not be closed. Already late, I tried my best to mend it, but I'm no mechanic and the door still would not close.

I'm not going to share what happened after that. But I had to take an emergency leave because of it. So, I missed the makan-makan potluck at the office, the one that I initiated. I felt really guilty, but if I were to come, I would not be in my right mind. But in retrospect, I should have just gone to the office. It was not a big deal, but I made it one because I failed to control my anger.

My temperament should have been better as the day progressed, but it did not. The student who called me 23 times just to ask if the replacement class was still on tomorrow added more fuel to the fire. But then Rockstar became the victim. I've been complaining that I didn't get to spend much time with him, but when the time came (although only after I decided to take EL), I blew it big time. Regret. Regret. Regret is a cruel thing.

As the result, I ate more than yesterday and the meal time was scattered here and there, not what I had already planned the night before. And I didn't get to use the mini gym. That added more guilty feeling, more anger and frustrations. Although I ate less than the daily calories permitted, the feeling is still not good. I need to learn to control my emotions better and recite dzikir more I guess.

I pray that tomorrow will be better. Less food and more exercise. But I can't promise if I can control my wrath (on that particular student).

A Fat Mom on A Mission

I am fat. As much as I hate to admit that fact, I AM FAT. Tonight I have decided to share my journey to be a much healthier and more active mother, not to mention slimmer and hotter in this blog (though I know not many people are aware of). I am very much inspired by a good friend of mine who has lost almost 15kg so far. Thanks MG. I love you. You are my idol. Always has been.

My weight has ballooned to 105kg from last year's weight of 100kg. Yup, I was fat then, and fatter now. As soon as the scale hit 105kg, I decided to re-visit the college mini gym. But the weight is yo-yoing in that region because I treat meal time as I treat the physical exercise, the more the better.

Then I started to take things seriously, only after I suffered an excruciatingly painful knee injury after a netball game with the students. I could not wear heels, had to take the elevator even when going down the building, had to pray sitting down and had so much trouble getting up from sitting on the floor. These are not the things that a 36 year old person should experience man!

I cut down on my rice intake, also a few other foods. I have stopped my nescafe routine since Ramadan and learnt to drink black coffee instead. But now I have totally stop taking coffee altogether. It's water all the way. I'm drinking up to 4 litre of water, sometimes 5, every day. So what if I frequently visit the restroom. That's a small price to pay.

Since the beginning of this week, I have started to count my calories intake, thanks again to my now lovelier friend MG. Calculating my age, my weight, height and the kind of lifestyle I lead (sedentary or otherwise), the counter says I need approximately 1850 calories a day. So far I have used less than the goal, which means a good thing.

According to the calculation, if I keep up with this pace, I will be 5kg lighter in 5 weeks time. I don't know if its reliable, but I can always try, can't I?

Please Allah, give me strength and the will power to do this.

Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

A Place To Remember

I spent 11 formative years in Kampung Selamat, Pantai Dalam, which today stands a high-rise low-cost apartment, with my family. When I moved out of Pantai Dalam to Pantai Baharu, a mere 15 minutes away, I was still connected to that place because many of my school friends lived there. I am still very much connected to it since some of my extended family members have made it their homes.

Along the years I have witnessed many physical changes in and around the area where the ruling government had made much effort to develop this squatters zone. All these developments gladden my heart because at last people who are from Pantai Dalam or its neighbouring areas can have some pride in where they are coming from. And I really really hope that these changes run parallel with mindset and paradigm shifts of the dwellers.

Was I ashamed to be associated with this place? Yes I was, but I have seen a lot and experience many things since then and now I am glad to say that I'm not ashamed anymore. Although visits to my grandmother's flat sadden me for the lack of awareness on basic things like cleanliness and courtesy, I still have faith that eventually the people will realise that in order to genuinely develop the area previously well-known for its many squatter homes, they have to take part as well by changing their mindset and attitude and adopt new paradigms.

Changes can be much easier when one accepts the fact that excellence is not an option, it is the only option and that being content is seen as a grave offence. Having said that, humility plays a vital role in making sure that the transition to a better self is smooth without major glitches. I hope with this shift all of Pantai Dalam (not only certain areas like Bangsar South) will be associated with excellent living.

My name is Murni and I come from Pantai Dalam.

A Few Good Movies - Laskar Pelangi

The real Laskar Pelangi. I wish to meet them and their teacher.

Once in a blue moon I get hooked on good movies. And I will watch these movies over and over but never get tired of them. Good movies in my book are movies that make you want to get off that sagging couch and start changing the world. From the Shrek movies to the Bucket List to the Freedom Writers and now it's Laskar Pelangi and Sang Pemimpi.

I have learnt that watching movies and listening to songs are not just mindless activities anymore. There are a great many things that one can gain and learn from those two activities provided that you look deeper than just the actors and actresses or the melodies of the songs, even if you are watching a flop or listening to a cheesy love song. There are lessons embedded in them.

It is not everyday that you can get a good quality movie in Malay that requires one to think and contemplate on the message that it tries to convey. So, imagine my surprise when Laskar Pelangi made it to our living room a few weeks ago.

An Indonesian student had told me about the movie and wanted me to watch it, but at that time I wasn't really paying attention. And early this year when it was shown on Astro I didn't make any effort to watch it either thinking that it would be just like any other Malay movies that receive so much hype but in truth it's just that, a lot of hype. I humbly admit my mistake.

The ten poor children from the richest district in Indonesia back in the 1970s reminded me for the third time in two weeks to always give other people a fair chance and that money is never a factor in making sure that knowledge and education reach the people.

The next step is for me to get both the books, Lasykar Pelangi and Sang Pemimpi.

Making Sense of Common Sense

According to the ever helpful Wikipedia, "Merriam-Webster Online defines common sense as beliefs or propositions that most people consider prudent and of sound judgment, without reliance on esoteric knowledge or study or research, but based upon what they see as knowledge held by people "in common". Thus "common sense" (in this view) equates to the knowledge and experience which most people already have, or which the person using the term believes that they do or should have." According to CitCat.com, common sense means 'akal' in Malay. Thus a person lacks in common sense is frowned upon as the person who 'tak ada akal'.

As we make our way to be better developed people, supposedly more advance in our thinking, attitude and overall conduct, this common sense that should be innate in us, seems to have lost its revered place. It may still be there somewhere in the convoluted brains of the modern man but seeing the many errors that these so called modern man commit, makes one wonder if it will resurface.

Taking up a a dedicated parking spot of a tenant, calling your lecturer at 10pm on the day she is on leave asking for your carry marks, or not giving signals for an ample time before changing lanes, are a few examples of where and when common sense and not to mention social grace have failed terribly. In these instances there were not due to lack of notifications or information, the unit address of the first example is clearly painted on the spot, the said lecturer had mentioned of her impending leave before, during and after she concluded the class and as with drivers in other countries, Malaysians are also required to go for driving classes and tests before they are allowed to drive. So what went wrong?

I might be guilty for simplifying things, but I think the problem lies in our attitude of having too much pride in ourselves aka being selfish. Our world revolve around ourselves that nobody can take precedence above us. This sickly attitude of the so called modern men and women can be the very source of the early demise of our caring society Well, one might argue that we are actually witnessing the destruction of the caring society vigorously promoted by the government.

Common sense breeds courtesy and courtesy is what makes a young man offers his seat on the LRT to a pregnant lady, a school boy offers to hold an old man's hand to help him to cross the road or a student offering to help carry his teacher's load. We all can do our part, in a small or big way, to bring back common sense into our folds. We just need to look beyond the confines of our egoistic selves and acknowledge that there are other people out there who deserve our attention.

Let's start today.

An Afternoon with the Freedom Writers

I finally found the opportunity to watch The Freedom Writers this afternoon. The first time I watched it was I think a year ago at the college, but I didn’t get to digest it due to the group of restless students who didn’t make any good effort to understand the whole story. Upset with the lack of efforts by these students I left the hall halfway through the movie. I was so caught up with my frustration that I forgot all about the movie.

The passion and enthusiasm shown by Erin Gruwell played by Hillary Swank in the movie really inspires me as an educator. Are there any more teachers like Ms Gruwell that would do the extra mile for her students? Personally, I would love to be able to do what she did for the students and to inspire them to want more than what they have been handed with in their life, to encourage them to dream and have hopes in their lives and to be someone, somebody great.

I have always loved reading and when I came here to work at the college and was required to teach reading classes I was dumbfounded for I had been telling my other half that I wanted to teach people to read, to love reading to make reading their priorities, because reading had been my savior when I was growing up. Now, it was handed to me and I was given a free hand in how to handle the class. Allah is Great.

However, in real life, it is not easy to instill the habit of reading in people because first of all one needs to have the thirst for knowledge and the realization that the knowledge that one has is still not enough. I had a firsthand experience of this hard truth with my own students. No matter how frequent and diligent I told them to read a book, they still do not understand the importance of reading in their lives. Some did get inspired but many of them are still ignorant of the benefits of reading. They are too caught up with life as a young adult, dealing with the anxieties of being away from the comforts of their own families and kampongs, too busy with living the new life that they don’t pay much attention to the reason why their parents forked out their life savings for them to be here at the college. It’s a sad truth that I have to face each day, and I take it upon me that this if where I fail as an educator.

Facing this hard reality every day, it is very tempting to just go with the flow, clock in, do what I am paid to do, clock out and never bother about anything else. If they seem disinterested in their studies, if they fail, it is none of my business, because I have done my part and I don’t care if they have done theirs. It is damn tempting I tell you.

But to do that means I would have to forsake the personal vow that I made to myself when I first started teaching 12 years ago, that I will do the best that I can to share the knowledge I have gained and the ones that I have been picking up along the way to the students, whose parents send their children to get education for the betterment of their lives. And to forsake that would mean I would have to betray the students and their parents who came here full of hopes, where some of the parents had even pleaded to me personally to take care of their precious children. To do that means I would have to betray everything that I have believed in my life, the very core of me.

Erin Gruwell and her freedom writers have knocked some senses in me, have reawaken the dying fire inside me. My other half always tell me that he knows the reason why Allah put him where he is, because Allah wants him to serve. The things that have happened to me, to us these past few years, have made me believe the same too, that I am here to serve others. The reason Allah tested us with hardships, toils and tribulations are for us to have the empathy that so eludes many of us towards people who are not as fortunate as us. And these students of mine, who mostly come from kampongs whose parents are not the rich or the famous, are the people that I should serve.

I might not be able to help them to have meals at hotels or take them for a field trip like what Erin Gruwel had done for her students but I know I can do something. I know I can encourage them to reach for the stars no matter what deep shit condition they are facing at the moment, I know that I can give, if only a sliver of hope to them and inspire them to do everything that they can to achieve a great life that they and their parents have dreamt of. It is not going to be as easy as I how typed these words, but I believe when you have good intentions, Allah is beside you. Insya Allah.

So when you feel that the fire inside you is dying out, find the time to watch The Freedom Writers or other such inspiring movies to help you reignite it. Do not give up without fighting.

http://www.freedomwritersfoundation.org/site/c.kqIXL2PFJtH/b.2300099/k.E451/Overview.htm

A Camp To Remember

The Ibadah Camp, which is a compulsory requirement for graduating students at the college, was jointly organized by the department of languages and the school of management. Not a graduate of IIUM, I was ignorant of the programme and its modules and proceedings. I took up the challenge of being its Head Programme nonetheless, although I had doubts about it at first. It turned out to be the best experience as a facilitator I have ever had so far.

After weeks of preparations, the big day finally came. Early Friday morning, laden with overnight bags and travelling suitcase, the final semester students, came excitedly to register for the programme. They seemed very eager to participate which surprised me a bit since I had not seen this kind of excitement and response given to a collegiate requirements before. After many briefings by both of the organizers, the CEO gave another of his memorable speech to mark the opening of the Ibadah Camp. One of the memorable quotes was “Work is poison, but doing nothing is suicide”, but then I digress.

The committee departed to Air Tenang Resorts in Janda Baik earlier than the students to ensure smooth checking in process. The four buses came at around 4pm, which was later than estimated. Despite that, the checking in process went on smoothly without any major problems.

That night, we proceeded with the first module, where we invited an accomplished speaker on the scientific significance of solat. It was a talk that left a lasting impression on me. I had never thought that there are an abundance of benefits that one can gain from the actions in solat. Allah is Great. Tears fell, mine included, when the honourable speaker made us close our eyes and imagined that we had a heart to heart talk with the Creator. O Allah, how we have sinned!

Drawing on my past experiences participating in these kinds of programmes when I was in school and university, I didn’t want to be too rigid with the participants. I told myself that they would be graduating in a few months time, and the last programme organized by the college should be something that they can remember us by. It was my prerogative to ensure that the participants enjoyed themselves to the fullest.

The moment of truth came the day after, on Saturday morning, after a session of simple stretching and a much simpler breakfast of fried rice and tea, the participants and all the committee members, took a walk to an orphanage, which was about 200 kilometres from the resort that we were staying in. The cool air and the wonderful sight were no indications of the heart wrenching tales that we would later hear.

We were greeted by the Badan Amal Nur Zaharah’s manager and his assistant and some of the children who sought protection at the home. They seemed oblivious to the arrival of 180 of us and went on with their routine. I remembered thinking that they seemed indifferent.

After a simple briefing about the house (shown in the picture), how it came about and the children that they take in, we roamed about the land that housed the double story home to these children, several vegetable plots and a goat’s pen. According to Encik Yahya, the manager of the orphanage, the home’s expenses are sponsored by organizations as well as individuals and they in turn sell organically grown vegetables and the goats that they reared themselves. Every Thursday, the workers will transport the vegetables and send them to their customers in Kuala Lumpur. Apart from that, to make ends meet, the manager himself will sell the Holy Quran to family and friends and members of the public. They need around RM25,000 each month to cover all the expenses of the two homes (the home for girls is 4 kilometres away).

I did not know how to go about these unfortunate boys lest I might say or do something that would hurt their feelings. However, I decided to trust my instincts and tried to have a conversation with one of them. I managed to get close to Danny, a standard five boy, who looked frail and small for his age. I knew better than to ask him about his family, so I probed on his daily routine at the house. According to this shy boy, they had a quite organized schedule, one that includes getting up early to get to his school, which is 10 kilometres away.

My heart sank when I asked about his school and he seemed lost. It’s common knowledge that children who came from broken and abusive homes, poor families and abandoned children, do not fare well in their studies. For an educator, this fact is extremely frustrating. I wish I could do more for Danny and the other children at the home in terms of improving their studies.

We came to the home, not empty handed of course. Prior to the visit and to the event, a colleague had organized a charity drive on Facebook, collecting donations from relatives and friends for the home. We were wonderfully surprised and impressed of the response because in that short period of time, she managed to collect around RM3400 and the money was then used to buy nine bags of 10kg rice and six bottles of 3kg cooking oil. We also decided to pack goodie bags for the children containing biscuits, chocolates as well as toiletries and some money for each of the children. When I mentioned this to Danny and his friends, their face lit up. I couldn’t stop myself from crying. The things that we packed for them were everyday things that most of us take for granted, but for Danny and his friends, these things were much valued.

When I heard from the home’s assistant, Rahim, that the youngest boy they have at the home was only four years old, I had to bite my lips to prevent myself from crying in front of him. He is only four years old and life has been cruel to him. He is the victim of a failed marriage and his mother cannot take care of him anymore. O Allah, please have mercy on this little boy.

I have a mountain of respects for Rahim. A young man, fresh out of polytechnic, he only did a friend a favour when he volunteered at the home. After much adjustments and getting used to the responsibility of taking care of 15 boys of varying ages, he finally found his place at the home. He has been taking care of the boys for four years now.
We left the orphanage with sadness in our hearts and prayers that the boys will find happiness and their place in the world. O Allah, please protect these children and guide them to Your path.

In the afternoon, the participants were required to slaughter fowls, clean and cook them for dinner. There were 15 fowls, one to a group. This module, according to an Ibadah Camp veteran, was never done before. It was such a wonderful feeling to see the students worked together to prepare the main dish for their dinner. I was amazed by the talents that some of them seemed to have. Alhamdulillah, somewhere, someone did something right.

The soup was simply marvelous, prepared by our budding chef, Naim, assisted by some of his friends. The same cannot be said about the fried chicken though, but to set the record straight, it was none of their fault since the problem was in the chickens, the meat was too hard. Despite that, I am sure they had fun preparing it. Alhamdulillah.

The night was filled with music, songs and laughter, when after a short period given for them to practice, the participants succeeded in performing their acts for the Islamic Cultural Appreciation Night lined up for them. Given chance and an outlet, the students could really shine. Time and again I have learnt that one cannot underestimate the students. The participants as well as the committee alike, came away satisfied that night.

On the last day, the second speaker came earlier than the allotted time. Miss Julia Shapiee, or Kak Ju, as cordially called by the participants, shared her life experiences in fighting and winning over breast cancer. It was such a lively talk given to a participative and sporting crowd. I am very glad that we made the decision to invite Julia, a family friend to share her experiences.

The end was near. After the talk and their morning break, the participants were gathered for the closing ceremony. Winners for the Islamic Cultural Appreciation night and the Explorace were announced and hamper baskets changed hands. It ended with a roar.

This Ibadah Camp was truly a new experience for me. I am sure it is very educating not only for the participants but for the lecturers as well. Alhamdulillah. Allah has blessed us with this learning experience that I believe not many got the chance to experience. There are lessons to be learnt from all of this and the knowledge of that lies with the All Mighty.