I Loathe You, Factory Robot!

Everyone is trying to do their job, I get it. But to do what this person does is just loathsome. Instead of finding ways and organise more training to improve the staff skill and knowledge, she rather spends her energy and efforts on snapping plate numbers. When you are even one minute late be sure that she'll be at the guard post to take pictures of your car plate number, without even looking at you. I feel ashamed to call her a fellow human being. She should go back to kindergarten and be debriefed! Sick woman! Today I was late because we had a flat tyre. I was ready to SNAP her picture if she made fuss. I was ready to tell her why...so that I could show to the CEO how her good donkey is doing a swell of a job. Alas, she wasn't at the post when I arrived. She has a meeting in KL. I was so ready!!!

Right on Target

Alhamdulillah. I have lost another 2kg. I am very determined to lose another 2kg this month. May Allah give me the will power and strength to do this. Amin.

Trying Out

I am trying out some desperate measures. I am limiting my daily caloric intake, starting today, to 1600 down 100 from before. I will be going into my third month tomorrow and I hope I will see some big changes by Jan 9, 2013. As it is I can see some NSVs, some of my clothes feel loose and I can definitely see a better shape on my butt. May He give me the strength and determination to do this. Amin.

Weigh In Jitters

I am two days away from weigh in day. I've had some shitty days this month and I tried very hard to keep my emotional eating in check. Some days I succeeded some days I just let it be. In the burning calories aka exercise department, so far so good, which means I follow the routine I've set myself pretty closely. May Allah give me the determination and strength to win this battle.

WIEF Headache

21 of our students are selected to be the Liaison Officers and volunteers for the prestigious WIEF event which will start next week. We (the lecturers) were assigned to prep the students up before the interview, held a few weeks ago and out of 35 candidates 21 were chosen. It is an achievement for the students given the world class status of the event. We've been missing classes and presentations because of it and now the headache is how to replace that classes and when to reschedule the presentations since final exam is just three weeks away. On top of that, we still have to 'jengok-jengok' the students whilst the event is running. Where got time!! For me, I have enormous faith on the students, I try not to think negatively of them (that they might back out halfway, have nervous breakdown etc) but others, it seems do not agree with this think positive thing. I feel like giving them my biggest, strongest slap that I can muster. Alas, I'm just a newbie. They know better. Yes, of course. Here's my middle finger for your perusal.

I Did It!

After much deliberation (more like procrastination) I've finally sent the application for further studies today. I hope I'll get accepted. I need to move on professionally. I can't be stuck at the same level as I started about four years ago. I've learnt my lessons. If you let it, complacency will set in and when it does, you'll be scared out of your mind to venture into something new. So, yes, today I finally did it. May Allah bless this effort. Amin.

It's Time!

I've been putting this off for a long time. It was supposed to be earlier last year, then I put it off to early this year, then end of the year. Now that I am here, I'm running out of excuses to hold it off any longer. I'm going to send my application tomorrow. The due date is next Friday. I hope I'll be accepted to further my master at UTM. It's high time. I need to move on and I have to move on. May Allah bless this journey. Amin.

So long for now...

I've been craving for a glass of teh tarik since last Sunday. After dinner I planned to have supper at the mamak stall across the road. Luckily, I got lazy. Yesterday, after work we stopped at the said mamak stall, because my other half wanted to have one. I didn't order mine because I remembered someone said that it's better to eat your calories than to drink it. So I resisted. So I felt good. So, so long teh tarik, for now.

They Do It Everywhere

People are making changes in their lives every minute of every day. Big or small, change is inevitable. To some change is a dirty word, one that is capable to conjure so many unwanted and oftentimes baseless fears. I'll be the first one to admit that I am afraid of changes too. My life is by no means great, it has its moments of ups and downs, mostly downs but to change, to move forward is something that is not easy to do for me. But I know I have to start somewhere and changing I feel about my body and taking control of what I eat is a good place to start, I think. Reading the success stories on how ordinary people like you and me transform their bodies and their lives makes me more determined to transform mine. And succeeding this, I hope I will have the courage to go for bigger feats. Once again I would like to share a wonderful transformation story from Myfitnesspal. From 405 pounds girl to a 173 pounds confident girl. This is bethygirlie. May Allah grant me the strength and will power to lose this weight. Amin.

Feeling Helpless

The Israeli militants are at it again. They are attacking the defenseless Palestinians on the Gaza Strip as an act of 'self defence'. Self defence my ass. I feel so helpless. Those pictures of children killed by the Jews. I can only make du'a for them. May Allah protect the Palestinians, give them extraordinary valor to face this great test. May Allah instill unspeakable fears in the hearts of the militants who are attacking them, incapacitating them and eventually stopping them from launching more attacks. Amin.

Happy 5th Anniversary

We're celebrating our 5th anniversary today. Five years! May happiness be ours until Jannah. In shaa allah.

Night and Day

I miss the camaraderie of old. I miss most of the people in this photo. May Allah bless them.

I am yet to feel at home here.

Read-o-meter

Reading is such a joy. When I was growing up in the squatters of Pantai Dalam, I would frequent my grandparents' (from both sides) houses to read the never ending supply of URTV and the likes, thanks to my aunts. When I was in school, the library was my favourite place, apart from the canteen. As cliche as it may sound, reading took me to places I never imagined existed. I think that's the reason I became an educator because if I wasn't one I might abandon this love for the written words. Now I'm revisiting the authors who have long fascinated me, Agatha Christie and Patricia Cornwell. At the same time I'm trying to re-finish Napolean Hill's Unlimited Success. Reading 3 books at one time is normal for an 'ulat buku' like me. I have just finished The Murder of Roger Ackroyd.

Groovy Moony

I ate 5 pieces of pisang goreng today although I know it's going to burst the calories that I'm allowed to take, but I'm not going to reprove myself because of that. So what did I do? I burnt a little bit of that dancing to Drama King, What A Feeling, Summer of 69 and Dangdut is the Music of My Country.It took me only 15 minutes to do it and I felt good. Of course I need at least one and a half hour to burn all the calories, still better than nothing. According to SparkPeople, a 150lb woman who dances 10-15 minutes can burn an average of 100 calories, more if she is heavier. So there. I burnt more than 100 calories doing the crazy dance. May Allah give me the strength and determination to win this battle, Amin.

All Fired Up

I'm using Myfitnesspal to count my caloric intake and so far I've been logging in almost religiously. To seek some motivations and inspirations I frequent the Success Stories column almost every day. I'm doing this alone so these success stories are important to keep me going. They tell me that it is possible. Here's an example. This is kayleighhand26 and her story. I started this journey on 4th Jan 2012 as a new years resolution and if I am being totally honest I was not sure I would stick to it... Fast forward 10 months and I have logged in for 310 days in a row and lost 63lb I still have another 7.5lb to go maybe a little more but I wanted to post a story with the hope it will inspire The mains things I have learned are: *This is not a diet it is a lifestyle change, sometimes you will have an off day but thats ok and make sure you allow yourself treats so you dont feel deprived and end up having a massive binge!* *It is not a quick fix and it will take time and dedication but the results are definately worth it!* *You do not need to eat really realy low levels of calories to lose weight, I realised pretty quickly that I could not sustain a 1200 limit and I increased this slowly over time and my body adjusted and my metabolism increased, I now eat anywhere between 1800-2000 calories I am still losing* *Listen to the advice and feedback that others have to give and make sure you give it back - the support network I have on here has been amazing* When I first started my goal seemed so far away but now it is so close and I am proud of what I have achieved DO NOT GIVE UP, YOU CAN DO IT!!

Weigh in

As promised, today is weigh in day. Alhamdulillah I have lost around 5kg. I have started to wear my baju kurung again. I have a long way to go still and I intend to go all the way until I reach my goal weight around 68kg. May Allah give me the strength, determination and will power to lose the weight. Amin. Next weigh in will be on Dec 9.

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Forgiven

Aidiladha had come and passed. I tried to eat within the allowed calories per day but festivities are when I almost always fail to refrain. But I've forgiven myself for failing to do so. This time around, I promise not to sabotage myself anymore. You fall off, you try to get back on it as quickly as you can. Since Monday, I've limited my caloric intake to 1700 a day, down from 1870 before. I've designed my own exercise, cardio + some toning exercises. It's not really original because most of the movements I learnt from online exercise videos but I'm happy to call it my own. I have problems with my knees so most of the exercises (even the low impact ones) are not really good for me, so I do what I can. I sweat the same. Now, I make it a point to use the stairs instead of the lift and when I feel my buttocks are hurting from too much sitting, I will head for the stairs to get a good few rounds. I still hate going up and down the stairs but I know it's good for me. May Allah give me the strength and determination to lose this weight. Amin.

Hurting

My boy fell while waiting for me to finish a meeting. We had to rush him to the clinic as he was bleeding. The gash was quite deep that required two stitches. But he was a trooper. He was quiet during the stitching although he winced once or twice. I saw tears dropping on the side of his face. He was trying to be strong. That got to me. My little boy, the love of my life was trying to be brave for his Mama because if he cried I would have cried louder. He was his usual, chirpy self after the treatment. But every time I look at that healing wound, my heart aches. Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim, Please protect my son from any harm. Please grant him health and happiness. Amin.

Weekend is Over...

We traveled back to Alam Suria (where my brother's family is) on the weekend. I was mentally prepared and had resigned to the fact that my diet would go crazy. It's so much easier to handle when you expected the worst. I did go off course but I got on course pretty fast too. We managed to visit my parents and stayed for a few hours there (that's all we could afford to spend since my other half had meetings scheduled), it was not enough but it was well-spent. My SIL recommended natural collagen based on her friend's experience. I've heard of it before and I was very curious. It is purported to make us look young and those who have joint problems are highly recommended to take it. I might try it. I didn't get to do the scheduled exercises over the weekend but we did a fair amount of walking, so I guess that should suffice. I'm taking the easy approach on the exercise this time around because I don't want to put too much pressure on my body. I will start some light cardio plus toning exercise tomorrow night. Insya Allah. May Allah give me the strength and determination to win this battle. Amin.

Wise Words...

Roni http://ronisweigh.com from Baltimore top tip is to set non-weight related goals to build confidence. After reading that, I went down to the cafe to refill my water tumbler and decided to take the stairs instead of the lift. I realised how much I hate to climb stairs. I hate it so much I feel like crying but I know it's good for me. I hate it because it hurts my knees and I pant like crazy. It's so torturing. I want to be able to climb stairs without having to curse the steps. I want to enjoy it. I want to be able to run up and down any stairs. On the other hand, Theodora from New York City http://losingweightinthecity.com shares that we don't have to be perfect to lose weight. On days that we go off course, just get back right on. We have to stop ourselves from sabotaging the rest of the day or the whole week and she compares this with having a flat tyre, fix it and move on, don't poke holes in it. Wise woman! I hope I can be one of those losers who can inspire others to lose and of course you know what I'm talking about. May Allah give the strength and determination to keep fighting to lose weight. Amin

Sneak Peek

I have made a promise (to myself) to get on the scale on Nov 9 a month after I resume the journey. But being human, I took a peek yesterday morning and was quite happy with the result. I hope there will be more or if it stays, I will still be happy. Three more weeks before the revelation. May Allah give me strength and determination to lose weight. Amin.

Positive Vibes

I have been following Kevin Zahri's page on weight loss and I find it very informative and convenient for someone who is all alone in trying to lose her weight. I find comfort in his status posts and motivation in the success stories of how real people lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle. Below is one of the people who have succeeded in losing the kgs. I am highly inspired. I realise that I am not alone. May Allah grants me the will power and strength to lose a lot of weight. Amin. Ms Rosniza Abdul Samat lost 13kg in just two months. How did she do it? By controlling her food intake AND exercising plus some "fire power". Simple as that.

Feeling Nostalgic and Inspired

I don't like to take photos of myself, because of this paralysing low self-esteem. I've had this dislike of taking photos since I was small. I was a big girl when everyone else was either petite or normal size. The teasing I had to endure by family members (yeah, I love my family) exacerbate the feeling. So, I hate taking pictures. Even years after that, when I slimmed down, that feeling didn't go away. I ballooned up after I got married and the kg kept on creeping on me after I gave birth. Here I'm sharing one picture of me when I was a gym junkie. This was back in 2005-2006, I think or maybe earlier. I was with a senior journalist Kak Yani. I hope I can get this figure back. May Allah give me the strength and determination to lose weight. Amin.

A Bad Start...

It's the fourth day of my self-planned journey to save my soul from being eaten by depression (drama queen cap on). Yesterday wasn't a good day as far as this live healthy programme is concerned. I had promised my Restaurant Management students (some of them anyway) that I would be their customer for their Advanced Cooking class. FYI in this class the students will cook and serve a three course meal to anyone who has agreed to be their customers. You get to pay RM20 for this meal. I thought I had the perfect solution for that. By giving my spot to my husband who promised to come during lunch hour. On his way to the college, something happened and I didn't have the heart to let him eat alone there at the coffee house. Plus, my serving students had pulled out the chair for me motioning me to sit down, under the watchful eyes of their chefs. To avoid unwanted incidents, I sat and there went my meal plan. But we had a wonderful lunch of chicken wings with blue cheese (appetiser, I wasn't wild on the cheese though), seafood chowder (which was EXCELLENT), the main course - lamb loins eaten with potato salad and salsa verde and ended with a sweet finish of blueberry crumble topped with rosemary ice-cream (which I thought was very interesting). The meal, it turned out, was complimentary, thanks to one of the chefs. I was full the whole day, well not the whole day, but yes until evening came. I hope today will be one of those good days, despite the bad start this morning, all due to my frustrations over the situation we are in now. It got me thinking of happiness again. But that is a different story altogether, one I doubt will be shared here. May Allah gives me strength and determination to fight this battle and win it forever. Amin.

Day One of Another Round

Your body knows when it needs help. Mine has been telling me to treat it right for a few months now. My son is already four years old and I have failed to achieve my target weight. As usual I blame it on my lack of will power. To say I hate myself for that is really an understatement. One thing for sure, all those years of drowning myself in sorrows, have taught me to stop feeling sorry and start taking actions. I am cracking my head now on how to incorporate exercise in my day-to-day boring routine. I really need my husband's support on this. Last week I got a scare when on the way to work I suddenly felt the world is spinning around me. So that is another tell-tale sign. Here I have made a decision to take it slow and steady. Istiqamah is the word I believe. Semoga Allah memberkati usahaku ini. Amin.

Staying On Course

I am still fighting to stay on course. Needless to say, boredom got to me big time and I can't be bothered with salads and fruits anymore. Gym is still my destination after working hours and now I spend about 30 minutes to do strength training before I proceed with cardio exercises.

Besides that, I am quite happy with myself because I've succeeded in organising a weekly senamrobik session at the college. A trained instructor comes every Friday to teach the steps, a welcome change for me. Of course this will not happen without the support from my colleagues and I am very proud of them. We really have fun every Friday trying to do the sometimes complicated steps.

The scale is not my ally for the time being because now I measure the success of my efforts with how I feel about my self-image and how I look and feel in my clothes So far, all is good.